


Different World

by simplysalty



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Engagement, F/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 01:46:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17909663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplysalty/pseuds/simplysalty
Summary: How one faces the woman they proposed to and then promptly left without warning, Kaku didn't know.





	Different World

        You sat in that room, staring at the ground with a distant look on your face. Your fingers were gingerly running over a silver ring, the others giving you nervous and confused looks as you adjusted an injured man's head on your lap.

        "You're sure you really want to bring him back, even after he lied to you for so long like that?" Paulie's voice made you look up at him, and his jaw's grip on his cigar tightened when he saw how tears had already long since run dry, a saddened smile on your face.

        "All I want is to ask him one thing..." Your voice was soft, gazing down at the fallen assassin, fast asleep. He looked so vulnerable, so _normal_ like this. He looked just like he did all those years you had known him, all those years you had loved him. He looked just like he did the night after he'd proposed.

        "You seriously think he actually loves you?" Paulie's question peaked the attention of the small number of pirates and shipwrights in the train. You were silent for a moment, before your smile softened a little, still gazing down at the male. One of his hands was loosely clasped by one of your own.

        "Do you think a man like him would still have that ring if he didn't?"

        Zoro's eyes studied you silently, before walking over. You looked up at him after a moment. "Ah, Roronoa..."

        "Kaku. He wanted me to tell you something, before I left."

        "Did he...?" You frowned, confused.

        "He did." Zoro walked to the door, the last of his crew to leave. He glanced at you over his shoulder. "He said 'I'm sorry.'"

        You stared at the swordsman before a sad chuckle left you, your smile lightening up a little. "I see...thank you, Roronoa. For everything."

        "Don't thank me. Just make sure that love-sick idiot doesn't die." And with that, you were left in the room with Kaku and Paulie. The blond watched you, feeling an odd sense of sorrow and understanding fill him, seeing how desperate you were to forgive the liar sleeping before you. There was genuine affection in your eyes as you held Kaku so gently, as if he hadn't just revealed that everything had been a farce for the past five years.

        For countless days and nights, you remained awake, barely eating, barely drinking, barely sleeping just to make sure that he was alright, that he was recovering. You scarcely left that room - Paulie and the others had to force you to as much as get up if you weren't off to use the bathroom. Why did you still want to help him? Even after you'd said yes to him and he'd left you as if you didn't exist, even after everything, you couldn't bear to see him in this state.

        For the first time in what felt like weeks, which it probably was, you passed out leaning on the side of the bed. You were deathly thin, bags under your eyes dark and heavy, the dryness of your throat and pain from your stomach without a doubt no one's fault but your own.

        It was a sight that Kaku quite frankly didn't want to wake up to.

        There he lay in your bed, bandages all over his body, wounds cleaned and treated for the most part, in decently good health while you lay there unconscious, looking half dead. Feeling how much he had recovered, placing his hand on his chest, he realized that you had spent all your time, money, and energy on helping him get better.

        A frown crossed his face when he saw how weakly your breaths circled in and out, shaky and unstable. When was the last time you'd eaten, drank anything? Kaku wasn't so sure he wanted the answer to that. All he knew for sure was that he had a small black hole forming in his gut, consuming him in guilt and regret when he noticed the red quality of your eyes. You were crying, over him.

        What Kaku most didn't understand was why you had gone out of your way, into the line of fire just to bring him back - or why one of the Galley-La workers had taken him back for you rather than left him for dead. Did he leave you this desperate, alone and abandoned? Kaku had found it so difficult to step onto the Puffing Tom, knowing that he was likely to never see you again, and if he did, he was sure you wouldn't forgive him for pulling something like this. He had wanted to stay, but he'd left you. His body acted before his mind and emotions did.

        Just like it was now, finding himself getting out of the bed as quietly as he could as not to wake you and finding a set of clothes he used to wear before he'd left once again for Enies Lobby. That shadow of remorse was still hanging over him as he pulled the shirt over his head, not wincing when his arms warned him with a dull and strong aching. Any sudden movement could wake you.

        But of course as his reluctant and forced footsteps reached the closed door of the room, he froze.

        "Are you leaving me again?"

        Your voice was calm, and sad. But there was no disappointment, no anger. Only sorrowful and mourning as he refused to meet eyes with you, knowing it would make his resolve crumble, make his emotions all come spilling out.

        "...someone like me will only hurt you if I stay."

        Kaku didn't mean for his voice to sound so heavy and weak, almost a whisper. He pursed his lips, letting the hand that was reaching for the doorknob fall to his side. There was the shuffling of sheets, followed by the soft sound of your bare feet against the wooden flooring. It stopped just behind him, and he knew he was visibly tense. He didn't even bother to try and hide it - you had seen it already, he knew.

        Gently, you reached out but when your fingertips brushed the back of his hand, he flinched and quickly pulled it away as if you had burned him. A sharp pang stung your chest, tempted to just break back into sobs.

        "If you want to leave, I won't stop you." Your words trembled, and he hated that he could hear a smile in your voice. A smile you were struggling to keep, to convince yourself that you were fine with this. "I'm just glad you're feeling alright now."

        Kaku harshly bit his tongue to keep himself from replying, to keep himself from turning around and tell you that he _didn't_ want to leave, that he wanted to _stay_. With you. But after what he'd just done, he knew he didn't deserve something like that. His silence made you let out a sigh that shook ever so slightly.

        "You're going for real this time, huh..." You sniffled, trying to keep yourself from crying so pitiful at a time like this. "Then...good luck. Have safe travels, I don't want you to get hurt or die. And...although I suppose you never did love me, you're welcome to come back if you ever need me for anything."

        Something in him burst, his heart bleeding and suffocating as he tried to maintain his composure. No, he did. He _did_ love you, that engagement ring wasn't a farce. He wanted to stay longer, he wanted to actually have someone in his life that he could rely on, lean on, and just be himself around. You had accepted him, you didn't become afraid that one time he had attacked you when you woke him up from a nightmare, you never doubted him. And he'd taken that trust, crushing it under his heel.

        "Maybe you just like seeing me suffer, wearing that ring around your neck like that. But it doesn't matter," there was no spite in your voice, and he hated it. He wanted you to despise him, he wanted you to push him away, he wanted you to give him what he ultimately deserved for playing with your emotions like that. And yet here you were with a bitter smile on your face, still in love - so, so in love. And he hated himself more for still feeling the same. "All that matters is that you've recovered. Whatever happens out there, I'm sure you'll be just fine. You're strong enough to be in CP9, after all."

        "Didn't..." Kaku's voice almost cracked. "...didn't Roronoa deliver my message?"

        "..." This time when you gently tugged him to turn around, he didn't resist. Kaku's expression was betraying his wish to remain calm, he knew. He didn't know what face he was making anymore, but it was one that told her enough, it seemed. "He did. It gave me a little glimmer of hope, but I suppose it was useless. You're leaving me in the end anyways."

        "Why?"

        You blinked at his question, confused. His eyes were obscured by the shadows of his cap, and the late evening light shining through the small window of your room.

        "Why did you save me? I would have died if you'd left me alone."

        You chuckled ironically. "That's exactly why. I don't want you to die, Kaku...that _is_ your name, isn't it?"

        The pain in his chest only grew heavier. You had rightfully begun to question all he had ever said to you, and while he wanted this, at the same time, something told him he didn't. He didn't want you to question him like this, he didn't want you to lose your trust and faith in him, he didn't want to lose _you_.

        "Yes..." It came out as barely a whisper. "That's...my actual name."

        "I still love you," you laughed, but it was sad and bitter - the way you looked up into his eyes, he didn't want this. He missed how you used to laugh with him, smile at him warmly, welcome him with open arms. But now you weren't so sure. "I still love you, despite everything. I just...don't know whether or not you're lying anymore. I want to trust you, I want to listen. But I don't know if I can, after this..."

        A tense silence passed, before she let out a breath through her nose.

        "I'll let you go, now. If everything was always lies, you've got no reason to stay here any longer."

        He suddenly says your name with an odd layer of desperation. "I...I want to stay. I really do, but like I said. Someone like me, I don't deserve this anymore. I never did. Even if I were to stay, you shouldn't get involved with someone like me any longer."

        The look on your face told him you weren't sure if you wanted or knew whether or not to believe him. He told himself that it didn't make him crack just a little bit more.

        "Kaku, if it makes you happy, you can stay as long as you'd like. Take advantage of whatever you need, I'm here to help you if you ever need anything." You still smiled despite it all, despite how he knew your mind was in shambles, scattered and tangled in complicated and confused thoughts. Kaku should have known that this would happen, he clenched his jaw. He didn't want to turn the doorknob. But he did anyways.

        Your smile saddened further, but your hands slipped from his cheeks much too early, almost defeated. You were struggling to keep yourself together.

        "...I'm in no position to ask anything of you, especially after everything that's just happened, but could you wait for me? Wait for me to come back, and...finally make things right?"

        You stared up at him for a moment, before a soft and weak chuckle left you.

        "Of course." Your words were hollow, your eyes not easing any at all. You knew, that understanding and submitting flicker told him so. You numbly watched the door close behind him, before you fell to your knees and began to sob. Even if he was listening to you cry from just beyond the door, shoulders heavy, it didn't matter.

        You knew he wasn't going to come back.


End file.
